I do not know what I want.

I always tell people I don’t really know what I want or what I need.

And it does seem to people that I am very lost.

I have almost no self-control. I precariously lead my life as if there was no tomorrow but at the same time constantly feel guilty for every moment I’ve wasted. It is almost like a loop. The anxiety it creates is scary. I see my own soul being nibbled day by day. By the guilt. The unexplainable sadness. The nostalgia.

Sooner or later I will be all eaten up. Self-sabotaging is bad. But all I do is feel, since it seems to be the best thing I can do. I don’t think, I feel.

Fuck feelings.