Category: Positive me

marking 30th

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At the age of 22, how nice it was to be fresh out of college, and about to embark on a volunteer gap year in Europe. I felt my life had just started, I was hopeful, grateful, and that everything had all come down to this point. Undoubtedly, my following years were beautiful.

When your life is full of excitement and happiness, you feel generous. So was I.

I decided to share it with myself, in the future. Thus, the letter to my future self with all the questions I could think of, with the predictions, with my young hopes. I was hyped for my life at the age of 30, assuming that life could only have more to offer and never the opposite.

And the song, a cute little reminder, I thought.

….

On my 30th birthday, I received a letter from myself on July 23, 2018. I played the song like she asked. But words felt empty.

People on the airwaves always preach who I should be
How to dress, how to talk
Baby, how to breathe…

I have realized now that people are just people. There isn’t “me vs the world”. It is indeed “me vs myself”. At the end, it’s turned out to be me, my mind – the most difficult judge to myself. The world would be kind if I am kind to myself.

Then the questions and speculations she wrote. How should I answer them? That half of the things have been gone. That life does take things away from you. That nothing is certain. That she should stop having her hopes up?

I stay silent.

So my younger self, she can stay hopeful. She will slowly figure the world around her as she walks. She has her own song to sing. She doesn’t need no warning. And when she reaches 30, I hope she will stand still against adversity. She will do things her way. She will find comfort. Importantly, no matter what happens, she will stay honest and kind, especially to herself.

Quay lại một vòng (full circle)

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experience love

Isn’t it funny that we* go in rounds, from being happy (as a kid) because we get to exist and experience, to

“am I likeable?” to

“why should I care?” to

“maybe I can just fake that I didn’t care” to

“maybe I do care and that is ok” to

“maybe I can just be myself?”,

and anything in between, to then realizing that it is probably the best to just be content with where we are regardless of people and things.

****we: refers to myself and I.

dear young artists,

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dear young artists,

the world is harsh and judgmental. you may or may not listen to those critics but please do not stop creating. because, if it matters, i see you.

they say that you’re “unsophisticated” because you’re “inexperienced”. and it might be true. but for whatever being “inexperienced” means, your opinions, your feelings are valid. even if you haven’t seen all the shades that there are in the world, yet the one shade you see, you see it. and you paint it beautifully. in its truest form.

they say that you’re dreamy. that life is more than what you see from your window. and so be it. be the dreamy, the ambitious creator that you are. as your work is your very own point of views, people can bring their stained glass windows elsewhere. there will be ones (including me) interested in what you have to say, in the exact milestone that you’re at.

they say that you’re too dark and depressing. that you’re too sensitive. as if that’s a flaw. i don’t see nothing wrong in feeling deeply (the ability to feel deeply to be exact). i only see how much you have to share, if you want to. and if you do, i would love to feel it with you. whether all of it or part of it.

they say you cling too much to love, that life has more to offer. but all i see is you having the time of your life. you care about people. you love. you are able to love, purely and passionately. there is nothing more beautiful than love. and even if that love causes something in you. it is love.

they say you’re unoriginal. your work is unoriginal. or what they really intend is, your work echoes the human experience. you’re part of the collective consciousness. and from there you’re experimenting. you’re evolving. you’re creating what belongs to you and to many others.

i may be no body or i may be many. knowing that you are heard and you are appreciated. the world is harsh but it’s also worth exploring. i hope you find kindness and courage to keep creating, making and advocating for what you believe in.

sending much love ❤

anh

a gentle reminder

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at the end of the day…

I reblog this to remind myself about the naturalness of things. As I tend to overanalyze and overgeneralize, especially in this turning chapter of my life – where new people enter, new relationships spring, it is easy to form judgements and sail into negative feels. The way to deal with this problem is to ground my mind and my heart with compassion and empathy, understanding that whatever the people do, they just want to be happy.

Trust people’s inner wisdom and their compass of happiness as much as you trust yours.

Letter to myself on April 9, 2025

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the life I’ve lived

Dear little Anh,

It is Anh from October 10, 2025, exactly 6 months later into the future. I came across your blog entry and have decided to write to you, to say that I am sorry and everything will be ok.

You are feeling defeated. I get it. You are in a strange land and working hard to find your own place, with everything that is happening all at once, yet nothing seems to go as planned. You probably regret your decision from day one. It’s been exhausting. You know, and you have known it all along: you need to slow down and rest.

You are feeling lost. Getting lost right there at the crossroad is ineffably hard, especially that you have been in the same situation in the last two years. But it is because that you care so much and you give yourself so much pressure as a learned habit. Thus it is understandable that you feel that way. I am sorry, my little Anh, and I wish I could be there to take that pressure away from you, to tell you that whatever decision you make is meant to be.

You are feeling heavy. You are sensing a big pull from your family in Vietnam. You miss Mom. You carry so so much love. For now, I can tell you that you have made the right call to come home. Please enjoy your time with Mom. Please take care of her, for me. Please tell her that I love her so much, tell her that we love her. No matter what will happen, just remember that she loves you too – even if you don’t love yourself. Mom is always with you, wherever you go.

I can’t spoil the future yet but all I can tell is that, life will be tough but you will push it through. You will find something that will make sense of everything. You will meet new lovely people. You will start a new journey that you would never expect. Your loved ones will always be with you. I will be with you too, just speak up…

Things I would do if I didn’t give a f*ck

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It’s been over a month of me settling back in Hanoi. Living at my parents’ house and having a decent job have really allowed me to reflect through a different perspective. Compared to the life in Italy, here in Hanoi, it is a whole other dimension of survival mode (my survival mode was also on in Italy) as I am now perceived, treated and expected in a different way. I find myself putting on a thick mask in the front of what the society demands from me. And since it is all still fresh, I would like to jot down all things that I would do if there wasn’t all these expectations that I am too afraid to disobey, before the mask becomes a part of me, before I forget what I really am.

1. I would shave my head: I dream of the day when hair is out of my daily thoughts, money saved for shampoo and haircuts, and the feeling it DOESN’T give during hot sweaty days.

2. I would craft and paint all day and turn it into my job until NO MORE OFFICE WORK. The office culture, the hierarchy, the emails, the stacks of tasks, the meetings, the performance tracking. They don’t pass the vibe check for me, personally.

3. I would wear slippers EVERYWHERE. I do not like shoes as a concept. Or even better, BAREFOOT. I would do earthing everyday.

4. I would speak louder. I was raised to not raise my voice but I do want to speak my mind and freely express who I am.

5. I would tell my foreign colleagues to stop calling themselves expats. I did not call myself one when I was in Italy, neither should they. Unfortunately, we live in a world where language matters as injustice exists and no one can be chill.

6. I would spend 10 years to learn how to grow my own food and build my own house. So one day I could have my own regenerative agri-food system in the country. This point goes with the crafting job.

7. I would sing a lot. Not many people are aware that I love singing, I do want to learn how to sing professionally.

8. I would also like to offer a healing hub for people. I like to gather people and see them having fun. I like organizing fun activities to BOND people. I also like to create a space for people to release their emotions and feel seen.

9. I would learn to dance hiphop. Or I would just dance more. I would go to the club, not to party and drink alcohol but to dance to loud music. I would dance like no one watching but also feel OK to be watched.

10. I would continue learning German. I would get my C1 certificate for no reason.

And to be continued.

So how about you? If you don’t have to give a fvck about what others think, what would you do?

the people i love back home

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I love my mom who is soft and kind, but also the strongest woman I’ve ever known, who is fighting cancer but still tries to take care of everyone around her.

I love my dad with his sharp intelligence and firmness, his secure love whenever we are in the world and the man with his grandchild is the sweetest grandpa that anyone could ever ask for.

I love my little sister and her craziness. She talks so much, sometimes too much but also she gives so much. Who could have imagined she is now a mom.

I love my little Bơ ❤ she is three months old and isn’t she the cutest bánh bao. She is talkative, just like her mom. I never experienced this kind of love before. I just want to rush back to Vietnam whenever I see her photos. And the love keeps growing everyday.

I love my grandpa Duong, he is mostly on his bed these days, and I miss listening to his old stories, recounts of memories with grandma. I miss grandma so much too. Cháu nhớ bà nhiều lắm!

I love my two cousins Cam and Na. In my eyes they’re so silly and they make my world so full. Full of laughters and love. And I know they’re always there for me.

I love my other cousins Tung and Thuong too. My comedy duo. I miss hanging out with them and just make fun of each other.

I love my uncle Hung. He’s always so gentle to me. He is probably the funniest uncle I have. Since I have a niece now, I can see how much an aunt/uncle can love their nieces. Just like how much they love their own child.

I love my aunts and uncles from my dad’s side. They care about me more than I could imagine. Sometimes the way they show it is difficult to feel, but I know they do love me too.

I love my bestest friends Binh, Viet and Van, our 15+ years of frienship. Although we can’t hang out as much as before, whenever we meet, it’s just us vs the world, as if I was never away for such a long time. I miss you three.

…

There are so many more people that I can’t name them all. Just as today I realize how much love I hold, within me and around me. I write this to remind myself that my life, indeed, is full of love.