Having been wandering through life for almost 26 years, I never truly understand what it is (or they are) that makes me keep on going. At the end of the day, I am just a big piece of flesh dragged around by the course of nature. Even with the biggest advantage I have as a human being – consciousness, I’m no exception to being under the influence of the law of nature, unexpected events, impulsive decisions – the decisions of my own and others caused by our brain chemical reactions, or the so-called emotions. I ask myself the question: what there is left for myself?

I have enjoyed my experience. I have felt like I was the happiest person on Earth. But I also have been crushed, tormented by the constant moves of life. As I go along, everything changes and I have to either accept it or leave it. Here is where I find the answer for the previous question: I can at least decide whether to stay. Yet, it brings me another question: is it worth the effort? And if it is, how do I keep going?

My whole life has been about chasing highs and lows. Shallow as it may sound, isn’t it what we are all doing? We experience the lows so the highs can truly thrive in our hearts, giving us all the sparkling fireworks of happy hormones. If there are highs, there must be lows. Some may try to keep the two balance so the lows won’t feel like a drop from heaven. Some may give it all for the highs no matter how it will turn out to be. Some’d rather be able to choose their suffering so they can experience the highs later.

Time is running out. I have to quickly put myself together and keep on moving. As long as I still have the strength to do life, I’ll do it. I can’t tell how far my journey will take me but I do count on it. I will continue holding the book of fairy tales near my heart, maybe with an extra lock this time, so someday, a true miracle can happen as the heart lets the eyes see it.

Now it is still at ‘someday‘.