A split moment:

“Damn I have a smart phone now?! How cool!”

I was picking up my phone from the table, and for some reason, I was my 14 year-old self again, who always wished for once, that she could have her very own smart phone one day. For that very short moment of regression, I felt the utmost joy as if I had achieved everything in life. How silly!

…

In one conversation with myself today, I looked back at what my mom and I myself often said to me: You are a good person, you will surely have a happy ending. What a beautiful way to see my life, isn’t it? Someday I will find a real home for myself, I will have a nice job. Someday I will eventually settle. Someday I will get to do the things that I want. Someday, someday, someday,..

I stopped myself right there.

What if right now, right here is my “happy ending”?

I mean I already have a smart phone of my own, something that my teenage self had always dreamed of. Not to mention, I am studying in Italy. I actually lived in three strange countries. I have traveled to places. I flew business class twice. I do house parties with foreigners. I talk with foreigners in three languages (whaaaaa). I’ve tried so many exotic foods. I have my own money to buy junk food whenever I want. I have money to buy paint. I paint. I do crafting. etc. So many random things that my younger self could only dream of and now I am doing so so many of them.

Even recently, I found out about Dr. Brain Weiss and his books about past life regression and how his patients recall their past life traumas and even their past life connections that make them recognize people in their present life. So it means, our life journey has begun long before we were born. The fact that we’re here and now is the result of many circles of not only life events but also a continuation of lives. It is our soul journey.

Seeing life this way gives me a sense of longing – I want to know how I was in my past life, and also a sense of pride or even greatness – I’ve come so far. Suddenly, nothing truly matters anymore. If it is the soul that is doing its journey, then why do I have to hold onto so many things in my current life, including this identity of Duong Ngoc Anh? (well, there is actually one thing that matters. According to Dr. Weiss and his story of the two “soulmates” of the long centuries who always found each other across time: “only love is real”. But it will be for another post)

Connecting the dots, this is what Eckhart Tolle and the Power of Now are trying to tell us too. We’re not our mind nor our body. We’re souls. Souls are timeless and untouchable. Meaning, from within, we are safe and protected. We’re enough. I am enough.

…

I’m not yet enlightened. But I would like to believe in this theory because I have a theory that we’re living in a simulation of different systems/theories – which, again, will be the topic for another post. But for now, I claim this system, the system where I can fly and never die.