ok, so it is one of those days that feels heavy. every movement, every force, every effect from things, people, phenomena feels heavy. right now the air from the AC, the light wind from the fan, the light, the sound of the silence in my room all seem heavy.

i think about the general picture of my life that is vaguely sad, gray and off track. that things keep piling up more and more as the days passing.

that I have no choice but to take them all.

i can’t exit. there’s no way out.

i’m stuck.

i think out ending it all a lot. but there’s nothing i can do, i will cause pain. i understand pain; therefore, i can’t just disappear.

so i wil just write it down and hope the feelings will go away. i will just observe and see how they evolve. it’s just one of those days that feels heavy.