Tag: opinion

Does my skin color affect my chance of traveling/volunteering?

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It’s been 5 months since I started saving for my summer trip in Thailand. Although I still have 4 more months until the departure day, I already feel super excited about it. Yet, a recent incident has occurred and it may cause me to change the whole plan.

In the beginning, everything seemed to run smoothly since I’d found out about a website called Workaway – a place where people can find projects to work in return for free accommodation (or even food) and cultural exchange while traveling. I soon signed up for it, sending out my requests to potential Thai hosts (though I know that it might be too early to do that but I couldn’t help myself). After a few days, I received 2 replies saying yes, decided to go for one, had some exchange with the host and extended my trip from a week to a month.

To be honest, at first, I was so scared of the idea that I might be not getting any acceptance just because…I’m Asian. I was made to believe that those Thai hosts preferred white people to join their projects since I could hardly see any Asian’s feedback on their pages. Some even make it clear that they only accept “white people”. Yes, they use the exact words: “WHITE PEOPLE”. I can totally understand if many hosts need English native speakers for their English teaching projects. But “WHITE PEOPLE ONLY”? I’m quite intrigued by the reason behind. Is that the “white fetish” people’ve been talking about? Is “white fetish” even a thing?

Anyways, I was glad that I found a perfect project to work for. It would be in a small province in the suburbs of Bangkok, definitely not a touristy place with sunflower fields and golden temples. Not to mention the host, she seemed to be trust-worthy with all the positive feedbacks. I felt so lucky – “So maybe this racism thing is not as serious as I thought it was. Maybe I was just overthinking.”

And as the host and I mailed back and forth, I was so sure that I got my “reservation”.

Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end there. As soon as I informed the host of my exact arrival date (because she insisted me to), she turned over and said that all positions had been occupied.

“What???”

“Why it has to be right after I booked my flight tickets?”

“Doesn’t she know that I decided to extend my staying (which eventually led me to book my flight tickets in accordance with the dates) just because of her assurance?”

“Doesn’t she know that I’m very poor and it took me a lot to eventually have this trip?”

A full-blown panic attack.

…

Back to this moment, when the panic attack is gone, I’m still quite confused and nervous. A lot of questions are being stuck in my head and mostly around whether I’m able to find another decent project/host. Even when I’ve calmed myself down and started to send out new requests on Workaway, I feel lost. Negative thoughts keep filling my head no matter how hard I try.

So my story is going nowhere. Hope I could soon find direction for it. I really don’t want to blame this on racism because it’s not. But since I have to get back to the search again, racism is definitely taken into account.

For now, I’ll just continue breathing and hoping for the best.

Building My Writing Muscles

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Recently I have watched and read plenty of things about psychology, especially about human mindset. The way we think about ourselves determines our action, and our action determines our success in life.

It is the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. People with fixed mindset bear in mind the thought that their abilities are locked in place. So these people often back down when facing something “out of reach” to them. But for ones with a growth mindset, a challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow. They think their abilities can improve through practices. In fact, this is true. Science supports people with a growth mindset, as it has been proved that our nerves do get stronger after regular practicing and exercises.

“Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.” – Lou Holtz

This theory did touch my nerves. I need to have a growth mindset for sure. Therefore, even when luck does not smile at me, science will support me.

I started thinking about what I was afraid of all the time, what I seemed “out of reach”.

WRITING!

Yes, writing has always been my sworn enemy. Especially writing in English. I am pure Vietnamese. I speak Vietnamese, write Vietnamese. I even had troubles when it came to writing in my mother language. So writing something in other language was a nightmare. It took me hours to finish a 250-word essay. At school, my scores for English writing skill were the worst.

After having detected my sworn enemy, I decided to make friends with it. From now on, I will not avoid it any longer and change my attitude. The relationship between writing and me will get stronger over time. Like muscles, I hope my writing ability could be improved through practicing.

Now I am forming my writing muscles. I am trying to write more, in Vietnamese and English (and hopefully French in the future). Though my writing would maybe sound stupid or naive, I will write about random things, anything I run into during my life journey. This blog is going to be a place for me to do it.

At the end of the day, future is future. I don’t know if any of above things would take effect. I don’t know eventually what I will become or how good I will be. But let’s just live for today, better myself and grow!

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P/S: Hoping that some native English speakers could read this and point out my mistakes or comment on the way I write. I would really appreciate!