Tag: vietnam

Phải “đi” thì mới nên người?

1 Comment

Ngày mai tớ (lại) đi pre-departure camp các cậu ạ. Nhưng lần này tớ tham gia với tư cách là returnee và các chị sẽ cho tớ hẳn 15′ để kể về chuyến đi năm xưa của tớ. Thế là tớ lại được dịp hồi tưởng lại mùa hè Stanton Home ’16.

garden2

At Stanton Home’s garden, 2016

Trong số các câu hỏi gợi ý có một câu như thế này: Những bài học rút ra trong dự án hoặc những thay đổi của bản thân khi anh/chị trở về?

Bài học con con thì nhiều, nhưng còn thay đổi? Các cậu có thấy tớ khác gì nhiều từ ngày về không? Con người ta ai mà chẳng học hỏi, lớn lên và thay đổi từng ngày, thậm chí là  từng giờ? Nếu “thay đổi” ở đây ám chỉ những thứ kiểu bước ngoặt, ngã rẽ cuộc đời, cái kiểu thay đổi 180 độ thì chắc không có. Có chăng thì là thêm chuyện để kể cho bớt nhạt.

Đến đây tớ lại nghĩ. Người ta bảo phải “đi” mới biết mình là ai, thì mới được gọi là sống. Nhưng các cậu đừng hiểu theo đúng nghĩa đen của chữ “đi” này nhé. Không cứ nhất thiết là phải xê dịch, phải phượt, phải bay sang nước XYZ thì mới được gọi là trải nghiệm. Đó chỉ một trong rất NHIỀU cách tận hưởng cuộc sống mà thôi. Cũng như không nhất thiết phải đi du học mới gọi là học, hay phải gầy đét mới được coi là khoẻ mạnh, phải ăn chay mới được cho là người có đạo đức, v.v.

Đây chính cũng là vấn đề của truyền thông và mạng xã hội. Họ luôn thiên vị. Họ tạo ra những “cái chuẩn” và định hướng chúng mình theo những “cái chuẩn” ấy. Mạng xã hội: hoặc làm con người ta quên mất tính độc đáo (originality) của bản thân; hoặc quá tâng bốc chủ nghĩa cá nhân (individualism), rằng con người ai cũng vô-cùng-đặc-biệt và chỉ nên làm những thứ siêu-siêu-đặc-biệt.

Thế là góc nhìn của chúng mình bị thu hẹp lại. Quan niệm về cái đẹp, về cách chúng mình sống và trải nghiệm bị hạn chế. Chúng mình chỉ tập trung vào những thứ hào nhoáng mà quên mất rằng chính những điều giản dị mà chúng mình đang có cũng đẹp đẽ và tuyệt vời đến nhường nào.

Quay trở lại việc đi và trải nghiệm, tớ nghĩ chúng mình chỉ cần có một cái đầu thật mở, mở hết cỡ để đón nhận trọn vẹn từng khoảnh khắc mà chúng mình đang sống. Quan sát nhiều hơn một tí, tương tác nhiều hơn một tí, chịu khó tìm tòi học hỏi thêm một tí thì lúc nào cuộc đời cũng đầy ắp những điều hay ho thú vị mà chẳng cần phải đi đâu í.

Nhỉ?!

Does my skin color affect my chance of traveling/volunteering?

Leave a comment

It’s been 5 months since I started saving for my summer trip in Thailand. Although I still have 4 more months until the departure day, I already feel super excited about it. Yet, a recent incident has occurred and it may cause me to change the whole plan.

In the beginning, everything seemed to run smoothly since I’d found out about a website called Workaway – a place where people can find projects to work in return for free accommodation (or even food) and cultural exchange while traveling. I soon signed up for it, sending out my requests to potential Thai hosts (though I know that it might be too early to do that but I couldn’t help myself). After a few days, I received 2 replies saying yes, decided to go for one, had some exchange with the host and extended my trip from a week to a month.

To be honest, at first, I was so scared of the idea that I might be not getting any acceptance just because…I’m Asian. I was made to believe that those Thai hosts preferred white people to join their projects since I could hardly see any Asian’s feedback on their pages. Some even make it clear that they only accept “white people”. Yes, they use the exact words: “WHITE PEOPLE”. I can totally understand if many hosts need English native speakers for their English teaching projects. But “WHITE PEOPLE ONLY”? I’m quite intrigued by the reason behind. Is that the “white fetish” people’ve been talking about? Is “white fetish” even a thing?

Anyways, I was glad that I found a perfect project to work for. It would be in a small province in the suburbs of Bangkok, definitely not a touristy place with sunflower fields and golden temples. Not to mention the host, she seemed to be trust-worthy with all the positive feedbacks. I felt so lucky – “So maybe this racism thing is not as serious as I thought it was. Maybe I was just overthinking.”

And as the host and I mailed back and forth, I was so sure that I got my “reservation”.

Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end there. As soon as I informed the host of my exact arrival date (because she insisted me to), she turned over and said that all positions had been occupied.

“What???”

“Why it has to be right after I booked my flight tickets?”

“Doesn’t she know that I decided to extend my staying (which eventually led me to book my flight tickets in accordance with the dates) just because of her assurance?”

“Doesn’t she know that I’m very poor and it took me a lot to eventually have this trip?”

A full-blown panic attack.

…

Back to this moment, when the panic attack is gone, I’m still quite confused and nervous. A lot of questions are being stuck in my head and mostly around whether I’m able to find another decent project/host. Even when I’ve calmed myself down and started to send out new requests on Workaway, I feel lost. Negative thoughts keep filling my head no matter how hard I try.

So my story is going nowhere. Hope I could soon find direction for it. I really don’t want to blame this on racism because it’s not. But since I have to get back to the search again, racism is definitely taken into account.

For now, I’ll just continue breathing and hoping for the best.

[Day 205] Why does Vietnam hold national day of mourning for Fidel Castro?

Leave a comment

Here is my super quick answer:

Considering what I got from Vietnamese media, during the Vietnam war, Cuba, which was under Fidel Castro’s regime, gave Vietnam troops the assistance which was believed to be “valuable”, “timely” and “effective”. The country even celebrated the day of Vietnam’s victory as they had hailed: “For Vietnam, we are ready to devote our blood.” Not to mention both are socialist countries and they have remained close-knit relations for more than 50 years.

So I guess it’s rather reasonable for Vietnam to hold a national day of mourning for Fidel Castro in return.

Another plan on the go

1 Comment

It’s not that I’m studying German and about to study Masters in Germany (though this is quite a surprise to some people who haven’t acknowledged it). The plan I’m about to reveal is completely a different thing, which has nothing to do with my study, my career, but simply my enjoyment of life.

Let’s go back to my trip to America which I truly enjoyed to every single moment. That was my first time travel aboard and first time travel alone. The excitement, the nervousness and a little of fear pushed me back a bit, yet made the whole trip so incredible. I felt as if  I was a child with a curious mind, discovering the beauty of life. It was not until that trip did I realize how much I loved traveling.

Therefore, I can’t wait long for another trip to come. I have to do something about it. I have to take action immediately. That’s why I’m writing this to inform ones who care that: I AM GOING TO THAILAND NEXT SUMMER!

Actually, this is not an informing note. It’s a declaration of my determination, as a start for the whole plan.

From now on, every single month, I will extract 500,ooo Dongs from my very limited salary which I earn while working as a private tutor and put it in the fund called “SAVINGS FOR THAI DREAM” (it sounds lame, I know). I have about 9 months until next summer and I need at least 5 million Dongs in total in order to make the trip happen. So besides the 500,ooo Dong part, I will also seek for other jobs to get paid as much as possible. The more, the merrier!

So, please pray for me and my fund. If you can donate some, it would be even more fantastic! Yet, I want this Thai dream to be my self-earned trip but at the end it doesn’t matter, me being at Thailand is already a wonderful thing.

How I get depressed these days or any other day

Leave a comment

Yeah

Obviously, I’m gonna grumble about studying, grades and school stuff!

I mean, what else can I talk about when I’m still “sitting on the school’s chair” (ngồi trên ghế nhà trường), and being haunted by the idea that grade is the only measurement of how competent (incompetent) I am. So yes! I am ridiculously obsessed with achievements. I hate to admit this, honestly. Still, this is not what I should feel shameful about since what so-called “achievement obsession” is a common “disease” of most of the Vietnamese students in recent time. But again, this is also not what to feel proud of.

Anyways, get back to the story, this semester has been a disaster. I have been hit up with 2 Cs and there will be surely more. It was already painful to get a C itself. But then I started to compare myself to other fellows in the result list, the pain went doubled.

“I’m so stupid. I’m incompetent. I’m useless. I’m helpless. I can never be like my friends…”

Each time a C comes, I feel like a door has just slammed on my face. After that come disappointment, self-hatred, hopelessness, and depression. Things just get worse since the more Cs I get, the more doors keep slamming on my face until the whole world shut down and there are no more doors. I have no idea what I’ll turn out to be by that time.

Some people are prone to blame the exterior factors when the results don’t come out well. But I cannot do that. When it comes to failure, I look into myself first for the answer, simply because it makes perfect sense to me. The process always goes like this: I dig deep into my head, trying to remember what went wrong from the beginning, and when the memories return, they come along with negative thoughts. I’ll constantly blame myself for not hard-working enough, not capable enough.

Nevertheless, I luckily bear the thought of having a growth mindset, the term that says I should set my mind positive through failures. Thanks to this, I’m able to pick myself up and move on. I find it really struggling to remind myself of this while carrying too much of self-hate problem. However, it does work. My growth mindset and my self-hatred could get along together. This may seem paradoxical but in fact, not. The mindset says: “Every failure is a chance to learn and growth.” On the other hand, my dark side shouts: “You didn’t work hard enough! That’s why you fail!” So these two somehow push me forward and put me in the position in which I torture myself at the same time.

I guess I should feel thankful for that dark side of mine as it didn’t shout the word “helpless”. This word could set my mind into “fixed”, which would only exacerbate my self-hatred and my academic transcript. If I place my capability into words like “fixed”, “limited”, I’ll be totally a deadwood. Though I do feel helpless most of the time but when it comes to studying, I try my best to exclude that thought.

In short, at the moment, I’m quite down but I’ll find a way…

P/S: Really surprised about how this note came out to be. I thought at the end I would write something awful or put my situation in a stalemate. But no, I made a way for it!