Guilt is a heavy word.

Also a heavy concept.

I didn’t realize I have been living in guilt for the majority of my life. It’s the guilt of not doing the things my parents tell me to do, the guilt of not doing what a 27-year-old person should be doing, the guilt of not contributing much to society, the guilt of letting others’ voices determine my worth, the guilt of listening to my evil inner voices, the guilt of projecting those voices onto others, the guilt of having hurt so many people in the past, the guilt of not feeling grateful, the guilt of not being honest with myself, the guilt of not treating myself better, the guilt of guilt-tripping myself into a black hole.

Depression, poor self-esteem, self-harm and strained relationships are just a few of the possible results of living in guilt for long periods of time. On the other hand, inappropriate or excessive guilt is listed as a symptom of depression.

There are so many reasons to feel guilty.

As if my existence is a sin.

As if I wasn’t supposed to exist.

My inner voice is saying: “They’re watching you go down in flames. No one cares about you. They are probably just feeling guilty themselves so they stay around.”

My inner voice is saying: “Why can’t you be a warm beam of light so you’re more likable? Why can’t you like yourself?”

My inner voice is saying: “Keep yourself away from other people until you find compassion within yourself.”

But one day, I will finally hear a warm voice within that comes naturally on its own, telling me that I’m safe, protected and loved.